Friday, February 6, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Girl Scout Cookie Public Sales
March 6-22 for the SF Bay area. I can't wait to start stalking grocery stores in search of cookie shilling youth. Yes, it has come to this.
More Thoughts on Lists of Things
New York Times article on the ubiquitous 25 Things meme.
My opinion? Keep a few things to yourself, people. And think about whether or not the things you say are true or if you just want them to be true.
I want cold, hard facts about your life that would almost never come up in conversation.
"I figure skated competitively for eight years," would be a good one.
"I won six high school journalism awards in four years," could be another.
My 25 things meme will be full of entertaining but potentially believable lies.
Examples:
1. I was adopted after my birth parents were mauled to death by wolves on a camping trip.
On second thought, that may be too over the top. How about...
1. I'm adopted; my biological parents died on a camping trip when I was a baby.
...
8. I played the French Horn in high school, and my orchestra performed for the President.
...
17. Lenny Kravitz is an old family friend; he and I have a running joke about being BFFs for life.
...
25. I have a twin who lives in Islamabad. We had a big falling out two years ago, and I really miss her. I hope she sees this.
My opinion? Keep a few things to yourself, people. And think about whether or not the things you say are true or if you just want them to be true.
I want cold, hard facts about your life that would almost never come up in conversation.
"I figure skated competitively for eight years," would be a good one.
"I won six high school journalism awards in four years," could be another.
My 25 things meme will be full of entertaining but potentially believable lies.
Examples:
1. I was adopted after my birth parents were mauled to death by wolves on a camping trip.
On second thought, that may be too over the top. How about...
1. I'm adopted; my biological parents died on a camping trip when I was a baby.
...
8. I played the French Horn in high school, and my orchestra performed for the President.
...
17. Lenny Kravitz is an old family friend; he and I have a running joke about being BFFs for life.
...
25. I have a twin who lives in Islamabad. We had a big falling out two years ago, and I really miss her. I hope she sees this.
Monday, February 2, 2009
A Groundhog Day quote for every hour of Groundhog Day
I bet myself I could come up with a Groundhog Day quote for every hour of Groundhog Day. I had to look up the exact phrasing of some of them, especially the lists, but I consider this a success.
p.s. Yes, I chose to spend 45 minutes of my time doing this.
1. "Why would anybody steal a groundhog?"
"I can think of a couple of reasons... pervert."
2. "It's nothing! I had the tire and the jack."
3. "Nancy. Lincoln. Walsh. Thanks very much."
4. "Hold it, fella! What do you say? What do you say? You little brat. You have never thanked me!"
5. "It's the same thing your whole life: 'Clean up your room,' 'Stand up straight,' 'Pick up your feet,' 'Take it like a man,' 'Be nice to your sister,' 'Don't mix beer and wine, ever,' 'Don't drive on the railroad tracks.'"
"Phil, that's one I happen to agree with."
6. "I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster, drank pina coladas. At sunset, we made love like sea otters. That was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get that day over and over and over?"
7. "What would you do if you were stuck in one place, and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?"
"That sums it up for me."
8. "I would love to stand here and talk with you, but I'm not going to."
9. "What are you doing for dinner?"
"Something else."
10. "If you gotta shoot, aim high. I don't wanna hit the groundhog."
11. "I didn't JUST survive a wreck. I wasn't just blown up yesterday. I have been stabbed, shot, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted and burned."
12. "Do you ever have deja vu?"
"I don't think so, but I could check with the kitchen."
13. "It's a perfect day. You couldn't plan a day like this."
"You can. It just takes an awful lot of work."
14. "Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooold out there today!"
15. "I'll give you a winter prediction. It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be gray, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life."
16. "People like blood sausage, too. People are morons."
17. "This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather. I, for one, am very grateful to have been here."
18. "This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Well, it used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to EAT IT. You're hypocrites, all of you! You have a problem with what I'm saying, Larry? Untie your tongue, and you come out here and talk, huh? Am I upsetting you, Princess?"
19. "Be the hat."
20. "Is it too early for flapjacks?"
21. "Watch that step! It's a doozie!"
22. "I have not seen this guy for years. He comes to me and buys whole life, term, uniflex, fire, theft, auto, dental, health with the optional death and dismemberment plan, water damage. This is the best day of my life!"
23. "I like to say a prayer and drink to world peace."
24. "PHIL? PHIL CONNORS? Pill Connors I thought that was you! Don't tell me you don't remember me, because I sure as heck-fire remember you! Ned Ryerson! Needlenose Ned. Ned the Head. Come on, buddy. Case Western High? I did the whistling belly button trick at the high school talent show. Bing! Got the shingles real bad senior year, almost didn't graduate. Bing again! I dated your sister Mary Pat untill you told me not to anymore."
p.s. Yes, I chose to spend 45 minutes of my time doing this.
1. "Why would anybody steal a groundhog?"
"I can think of a couple of reasons... pervert."
2. "It's nothing! I had the tire and the jack."
3. "Nancy. Lincoln. Walsh. Thanks very much."
4. "Hold it, fella! What do you say? What do you say? You little brat. You have never thanked me!"
5. "It's the same thing your whole life: 'Clean up your room,' 'Stand up straight,' 'Pick up your feet,' 'Take it like a man,' 'Be nice to your sister,' 'Don't mix beer and wine, ever,' 'Don't drive on the railroad tracks.'"
"Phil, that's one I happen to agree with."
6. "I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster, drank pina coladas. At sunset, we made love like sea otters. That was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get that day over and over and over?"
7. "What would you do if you were stuck in one place, and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?"
"That sums it up for me."
8. "I would love to stand here and talk with you, but I'm not going to."
9. "What are you doing for dinner?"
"Something else."
10. "If you gotta shoot, aim high. I don't wanna hit the groundhog."
11. "I didn't JUST survive a wreck. I wasn't just blown up yesterday. I have been stabbed, shot, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted and burned."
12. "Do you ever have deja vu?"
"I don't think so, but I could check with the kitchen."
13. "It's a perfect day. You couldn't plan a day like this."
"You can. It just takes an awful lot of work."
14. "Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooold out there today!"
15. "I'll give you a winter prediction. It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be gray, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life."
16. "People like blood sausage, too. People are morons."
17. "This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather. I, for one, am very grateful to have been here."
18. "This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Well, it used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to EAT IT. You're hypocrites, all of you! You have a problem with what I'm saying, Larry? Untie your tongue, and you come out here and talk, huh? Am I upsetting you, Princess?"
19. "Be the hat."
20. "Is it too early for flapjacks?"
21. "Watch that step! It's a doozie!"
22. "I have not seen this guy for years. He comes to me and buys whole life, term, uniflex, fire, theft, auto, dental, health with the optional death and dismemberment plan, water damage. This is the best day of my life!"
23. "I like to say a prayer and drink to world peace."
24. "PHIL? PHIL CONNORS? Pill Connors I thought that was you! Don't tell me you don't remember me, because I sure as heck-fire remember you! Ned Ryerson! Needlenose Ned. Ned the Head. Come on, buddy. Case Western High? I did the whistling belly button trick at the high school talent show. Bing! Got the shingles real bad senior year, almost didn't graduate. Bing again! I dated your sister Mary Pat untill you told me not to anymore."
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